Relationships

Hello to all!!! Yes, I know it's been awhile, but I needed a little time to think to myself. but im still M.I.A dont get me wrong, but i do miss expressing myself (in some cases) and this case i just have to let my feelings out about this subject: Relationships
now before i continue, NOTE: THIS IS NOT THE REASON WHY IVE BEEN MISSING!!!! ive been having several problems, this subject is not one of them.
shall we continue........
Now let me tell you a little bit about myself. I started dating when I was 12, and ever since then I've been in relationships. With the exception of two, the rest of them, where long-term relationships. And when one relationship would end, it would take me less than three months to start up a new one. Ever since my last relationship ended in late last August, I've been staying away from the whole relationship process and having more me time. Now going on over six months, I've learned a few things about myself and more things about relationships. And to sum up all that im going to say, in one word how I view relationships........BULLSHIT!!!!!!!
now let me explain.....
You see, it took me a long time to finally realize two of the main reasons why I would get into relationships. 1.) I wanted to be happy 2.) I wanted to feel loved and special. And with these two factors, it also made me realize why some of my relationships started to go down hill, ATTENTION!!!! why? heres the best way to sum it up.... only child.. and as my "little-big" brother Marc would say.. "there you go!" it never fails, the first three months of the relationship would start easy as pie. But after those first three months, each situation is different for each relationship but they all form up one big solution, ANNOYED!!! Either I will get annoyed with the guy or he would get annoyed with me either way it ends up with more arguements and less happiness on each side. But when I finally realized that those two main factors were the reasons of my relationships, it made me realize something about myself, I'm shallow with low self esteem. That I didnt feel special to myself, and so i look to guys to tell me and show me. and when i felt like they didnt, thats when they relationship would start going downhill. now of course, THATS A PROBLEM!!!!! Because me, of all people, telling others that they have a low self esteem problem, when I need to be fixing my own. That makes me a hypocrite, and that pisses me off. For I HATE hypocrites, and i aint going to turn into one either. But of course with all other issues that are in my way, making me realize my problem, I am now having peace withthin myself that all other issues are now lying low. So now that I'm finding happiness for myself, my theory on relationships can be best summed up by a quote from a squirrel.
"you do not need a significant other to live life, stop seeking something that isnt there and move on...."
or one of my favorite quotes from him
" I don't need to validate my existence through the existence of someone else. having a [boyfriend] does not make you a better person nor does it proves to the rest of your friends that youre cool........ Stop getting into superficial relationship bull**** most of an individuals misery usually comes from a significant other, a bad relationship, a bad marriage, or some bull**** like that. how about just getting to know yourself and living life......"
-Foamy the Squirrel
and both quotes are absolutely true. As of now, I don't need no one to make me feel like I'm somebody I need to let myself realize how special I really am towards others, especially myself.
But once Im in good standing of all this work, all of these problems that are weighing me down are off my sholders, and i found my own happiness, then i MIGHT get back on the relationship wagon.
the only reason why i say that is because with my generation. with the specific type of men that i like, i havent found one yet. and the rest of these guys, they are all full of it. and so are the females. the only reason why my generation, espically my people, for boys (cant call them men till they act like one, thats one MAIN PROBLEM) they only get in the relationship for sex, money, or apperance. what i mean by the last one is that i know a lot of my friends (remember, i hang out with mostly guys) are with their girls for she looks good and makes them popular. when the truth is they hate their girlfriends guts with a passion. and most of the same reason goes for the females (cant call them young ladies till they act like one) for sex, and cause they look good. and one good main factor that the females are in relationships, MONEY!!!! if they meet someone thats swimming in dough, they will do whatever it takes to claim them. cause i mean they dont want to seem to others that they are whores and prostitutes, so they date the dude to feel better about asking for money or stuff they want. dont get mad yall, its all TRUE FACTS. and yes of course, this DOES NOT apply to all, but it does apply to 1/2 of them. and if youre mad reading this, then im probably describing exactly who and what you really are...... and frankly, i dont want some guy to think that im with them cause of money; i have my parents for that, sex; still a virgin, or looking cool; for what!?!?!
so as all my peers are trying to get into a relationship, im not. even though i talk to other guys, does not mean that i want to be with them. it means that im still giving relationships a chance. and once im ready to get back on the wagon, i wouldve already found my 1st candidate.
so those that are still reading that might or might not have the same problem, just take a break and have time for yourself like im still doing as i write this. im seeing MAJOR progress, maybe you will too.
a new, improved, and strong pedal is starting to grow in replace of an old one.